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Year 4 Part 4
From 2024-12 to 2024-10

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2024-12

2024-12-30 06:02 AM

feeling trying

• hi hi ^^ happy holidays :3 (is what I told to a few others too, teehee)
• I'm slowly doing things again, maybe,,, hopefully,,,
  finished the character reference webpage thing and I've actually done really nothing with it, so that's p good to know ;w;
• for next year I wanna go back to Windows and keep Linux as a VM, as opposed to going to Windows in a VM from time to time (which didn't happen,,,) ; reason for that is pretty dum imo, I wanna mod GTA and many mods don't work on my machine,,, And also some games I wanna play I couldn't run on Linux because some openGL version is too low, and/or the computer is too old. Whoever keeps saying that you can just replace Windows 7 with Linux and everything just works is not right, just keep running Windows 7 and 8.1, or whatever, and enjoy it :3 (I envy you ;w; but dw it's a good thing. If you have Internet connection and just let it be, nothing bad will happen; unless you don't have a firewall enabled in the computer and router and also have open ports. If you have any of those, I'm pretty sure you already know what you're doing better than I do :3)
  I also wanna continue some of the old project things that I've stopped doing anything with, or at least make them somehow better and have a way of easily accessing them again (in part has to do with VMs), I also wanna make some tutorial for the classic 'theme' on Windows 8.1, because that's what I'm going to use in a VM. There's also things all over the place that I need to just put somewhere and order them,,, and see if they're even available on the Internet anywhere, because some of them sure ain't, and I don't wanna be the only one with access to them ;w;
  And other than that, I'm not sure yet, I'll have to think about it
• Moving to Windows will mean I can't easily make these webpages and I'll have to use something other than the text editor I currently use (micro), but it's not like I can't do this in a VM, y'know. I'd love to make a custom low-spec Arch install on a VM, but unlike some years ago I don't have the time for this kind of experiments again, I just wanna get things done and that's it, there's no more time for customization, unfortunate ;w;
• and also, btw the 'news' from previously didn't stop and a phishing thing caused me a panic attack (almost?), so yea,,, nothing to joke about that kinda stuff,,, (it's the second or third time this year that happened, I'm sick of it all. stop it with this BS and make peace already you dumfuks; I hate this, please take me out of this poor country) if I suddenly stop responding, now you know, I'm sorry. I'd rather that doesn't happen just yet, there's quite the backlog of things that I wanna do, y'know; and ofc there's no one else that can do them, I'm most always the dependency 'round here when it comes to the computer-y things, even tho I'm not as good with them as others think, I'm quite bad with them tbh ;w;;; (for example I don't know anything about programming, I've never ever programmed a simple Windows message box with C++ and/or python or whatever; most I did was the simple one with VBS, but that's nothing imo, and I've never scripted with Batch or bash, so idk why you'd think I'm good with computers, because I'm not ^^ I wish I was,,, I always get told how others have achieved much more than I could ever be able to (also because they're richer and can just buy a raspi and can afford all that nonsense to do whatever they want, and also have more opportunities due to knowing certain key peeps, but I know no one; and they also went to certain places but I was never told where and how to do it, so I'm lost ;w; ), and that kinda annoys me, I really don't wanna know about the achievements of others and how I'll never be able to do better due to my conditions and health issues and lack of skills and whatever else, it makes me depressed and I don't wanna think about it, anyway)
• I also have to make another webpage for the next year, oh no,,, I kinda forgot how to ;w;;; (but I'll figure it out dw dw)
• Ohh, and also, it seems I wrote a lot today, that's nice ^^ I think I was supposed to do a livestream today but heh idk, I don't feel like it ;w; someday I'll have to make a dserver for these or something but idk if anyone would be interested or let alone join,,, but whatever, I may do it anyway
  Also viewership and other things have been lacking recently, I don't know what to do differently or how to improve the situation, so I might just stop doing it at all maybe; I have videos and webpages to make, could do that instead of streaming for no one,,, or at least stream with the purpose of making a video, which is kinda what I wanted to do recently, but I always get distracted lol

(2024-12-12 06:43PM)

feeling wondering

• I have finally replaced the empty TODO character reference with an actual one :3 (that's the 3rd one I've made for them so far,,, hopefully this time it's final and I won't have to replace it again(!). I may replace what the image on the main webpage links to, it is supposed to link to my silly under construction main webpage, but,,, I don't really know if I'd like that anymore ;w; currently, the one for 'about me' would be better, and also link to Diary from there too. my way of organizing things is such a mess and inconsistent, but I love it like that ;w; there's a certain charm similar to the old websites, that I hope me unintentionally 'captured' it
• Other than that, I've noticed there's more mentions about NyanBara, unlike some time ago when it was only me and 2 or 3 websites that knew about it. Now it's also on a social web platform, and it's listed as an actual game on some game website database thing, that's cool :3 This means I kinda have to update my webpages about it,,, or better yet make another one (lol). Some time ago I had an idea to make a webpage with navigation for the main menus and in-game menus (yes, they're separate), and guide for the stages with tiny animated sprites that I got by screenshoting multiple times ;w;
• now I wonder if there's a way to make marquee work again or at least an alternative to it
• In other news I have once again messed my sleeping, that in turn makes me depressed and makes me wanna do things I don't wanna do,,, I won't talk about that, and I also won't talk about me and my fear of the next day; some stupid and unnecessary things have been happening across for at least a year and I just want them to stop already, I'm so tired of it all, stop making chaos and wanting more when you have everything. I don't wanna say more, it makes me sad, if you wanna help, please get me out of here,,, I was supposed to be away since at least 5 years, but I always stayed with the impression that it'll get better, so far it's been only going downhill with health issues and lack of funds due to unforseen circumstances. I really don't know when is it gonna get better, and I've started to lose hope, y'know
• Anyway, let's not talk about that kinda things

2024-10

2024-10-31 05:21AM

feeling tired

• idk what I forgot this time but whatevz
• Still around tho, inactivity as expected ;w; currently a bit busy juggling things around, but I'll try to do at least parts of what I had planned,,, slowly, most likely,,, hopefully before the next year, lol,,, right,,,
• No new news atm, am sorry ;w; reminder for me to update the other website with more info things

2024-10-24 02:43AM

feeling idk

• Forgot to upload the previous day, ops,,, also don't know how I'm feeling atm, but anyway, trying to do what I was planning to will maybe kinda take a while, it's not as easy as I thought ;w; I'll do a link to the other homepage that may contain some other webpages; and maybe is useful, but not at the moment lol
• And, alright, I don't know what else ;w; the next days may be inactivity here while I do the things or not, we'll see what goes and whatnot ^^

(2024-10-23 05:04AM)

feeling not sure

• No more messed up sleep schedule :3 (hopefully)
  some of the things I wanted to do, and I'm actually going to write here to make sure I don't forget lol, are: in no order finishing up the webpage with mods I use on the 3D GTAs, currently only GTA:SA; something about flash games; and something about software I collected over years; there's gonna be lots of external links for these, and I might try to write instructions, at least for the mods I use. As with every instruction I write, they're never perfect and they always require some requirisities and already-knowledge about the things I'll be talking about, but hopefully a folder-tree of sorts will solve any questions related to how the folders should look like, I can't really help with anything other than what I have listed, sorry not sorry I'm not tech support, figure it out :3
• I also need to continue the character reference thing that I kinda completely forgot about, ops
• Also also, there might have been some other things, buried either under the papers or idk wherever else I write my ideas,,, I'm an unorganized mess, what can I say ;w;

2024-10-22 03:37AM

feeling v tired

• Didn't manage to do much in the previous days, because somehow the sleep schedule got messed up, and in turn also messed me up quite badly; but I hope it 's not as bad atm
• that out of the way, I kinda still need to figure out what I wanted to do before that happened ;w;;;
• some random news: the laptop I used to update the website with somehow got broken, so one RAM stick doesn't work anymore and that might have caused the laptop to do the Automatic Repair loop and not show any useful info, I found a way to make it show a 'proper' error message with codes and at least something, and it seems the RAM stick might have caused something wrong with the registry, and so I have to reinstall the OS,,, fun ;w; Don't even get me started with how much I don't like the way windows is going recently and how much they managed to mess it up, I don't even wanna think about it, after 2019 or something I have less and less interacted with the windows os, or at least versions newer than 1607, I know nothing about recent ones and at times even forget windows 11 is even a thing, and I'd prefer to keep it that way
  _Anyway_, that was part of something I wanted to talk about some other time, but whatevz, I can talk about it now :3 so it was part of things I'm tired about; another one is countries, specifically (and to not talk directly about it, rather keep a workaround way) the one very close to mine, it's a neighbor country kinda. I'm tired of the alerts that objects may fall from the sky, I'm actually tired of everything that has to do with it, I'm tired of hearing about it, I'm sick and tired of this stupid nonsense that's been going on for the past 2(!) years, just stop already with it. No more 'please' from me, y'all had enough 'please's from me for 2 years
• Let's talk about something else, another thing I'm tired of is my inability to draw, but whatever, that doesn't really matter much; what matters, and is unrelated to previous point, is me not being able to update the PC without having to do some roundabout things that I'm currently not able to afford, been needing an HDD or something to reinstall the Linux OS or do something with Windows again? I don't even know tbh, but I can't really break the current setup without backing things up somewhere, and I don't have any of that 'somewhere' yet, that's what needs solving first, then I can mess around with reinstalling or whatever
• There might have been other things to talk about, but until then I'll leave it here; also, I'll say it by now: if I don't respond for an extended amount of time, it's not my fault, blame it on y'know who, the things that's been happening for 2(!) years, the things are getting closer and I'm scared of it, I just don't wanna think about it, don't ask me about it, don't talk to me about it, nothing

2024-10-10 08:26AM

feeling snug

• After so many days, I've got at least some things to work for that new homepage thing ^^ if you expected it to be finished already, that won't ever happen I'm afraid ;w; everything I do is Under Construction and never finished,,,
• But well, at least I got something y'know ^^ Now to figure out what else needed to be done, such as making the old homepages index available from somewhere too ;w; and maybe some other things that can't be done atm,,, anyway, those can't be done today, so I think that's all for now ^^

2024-10-04 04:36AM

feeling confused

• Not much news currently, I gotta figure out how to turn the many homepages I have into one, or at least link them between eachother better, because currently you can't even go to the homepage without going through so many hoops ;w;
• Thinking about turning the github.io homepage into some sort of a 'portal' to link to other homepages, update the carrd.co homepage to say that I've moved to the github.io, and have that point to this website instead
• I might also have to make yet another homepage or at least a better menu or something

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